Random Texts…(NSFW or Children) II

**WARNING**

Some views are inappropriate for children, Christians, prudes, and anyone else that is easily offended. Just remember, you have been warned! 😉

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Here are a few text messages that friends, and the wife, have sent me recently. Are the of good taste? NO! Not at all. But, then again, if they were, would I really be posting them here? HELL NO!

Anyhoo, here they are…enjoy! 🙂

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~from the wife~

imagejpeg950

ADULT SEX QUIZ

Q.) What doesn’t belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs, or wife,but you can’t beat a blowjob!

Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.

Q.) What’s the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q.) What’s the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q.) Three words to ruin a man’s ego…
A.) “Is it in?”

Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.

EveryOne needs a gOOd laugh…. PASS IT ON!

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~from a friend~

Kentucky 3 way

Don’t go to Kentucky! They not only fuck their cousins, they do their 3 ways like this!

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~from the wife~

chocolate cake

Don’t you just love the smell of Chocolate cake in the morning??

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~from a friend~

Doing Porn

I heard you were doing porn! way to go man !

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~from the wife~

sack lunch

I packed u a sack lunch! Have a good day at work!

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~from the wife~

I Love Head

MEN have 2 heads and WOMEN have 4 lips The American Dental Association says semen cuts plaque and tartar by 77%. Suck a dick and save a smile… If u have sex 365 times a yr and u melted down all the condoms 2 make a tire what would u call it? A fuckin goodyear! Sex is like playing spades. If u don’t have a good partner, u better have a good hand. Big Bad Wolf told lil red riding hood lift ur top so i can suck ur tits. no, she said while lifting her skirt, eat me like the fuckin book says! A rooster and a cat were playing by the pool. the cat fell in and the rooster laughed. The cat said, a wet pussy always makes a cock happy! Girls have unique magic tricks, they get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard.

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 Do you have some wierdly awesome texts to share? Want to send them to me so that I can post them here to share with the world? Send me an emil at jeluttrull (at) gmail (dot) com and I will be more than happy to put them up.

Until next time, my friends…

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Random Texts…(NSFW or Children)

**WARNING**

Some views are inappropriate for children, Christians, prudes, and anyone else that is easily offended. Just remember, you have been warned! 😉

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are a few text messages that friends, and the wife, have sent me recently. Are the of good taste? NO! Not at all. But, then again, if they were, would I really be posting them here? HELL NO!

Anyhoo, here they are…enjoy! 🙂

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shits n giggles

~Submitted by the Wife

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I  wanted to be the first to say happy fucking Halloween!

happy halloween

~Submitted by the Wife

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The law says he’s entitled to eat whatever he wants for his last meal!

last meal 

~Submitted by a friend

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big ass

~Submitted by the Wife

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Your childsupport is due motherfucker! dont make me go public!

child support due

~Submitted by the Wife

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Smoking makes ur lips look funny !

smoking lips 

~Submitted by a friend

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Ok, bend over. It’s time for your swine flu vaccine.

swinfflu

~Submitted by the Wife

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 Do you have some wierdly awesome texts to share? Want to send them to me so that I can post them here to share with the world? Send me an emil at jeluttrull (at) gmail (dot) com and I will be more than happy to put them up.

Until next time, my friends…

Saturday Snippets – II

Got a short little “Saturday Snippets” for you today.

First…I must say RIP to Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. Two people that have been in the public eye for so many years. You both will be missed by many!

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Today is my family’s party day. This afternoon we are having our gathering with family and friends to say goodbye. I forsee that we will have an emotional afternoon, depending on who all actually show up.

After the few hours with the family and friends, I am hoping to talk my wife into one last night out at the bar. It might work, but, you know, who knows what she might be thinking?

So, if you are in the Muskegon area, and want to hang out, keep you eyes peeled for updates from me on twitter and facebook as to where I might be! You can find me on those sites by following the links under “Where You Can Find Me” on the side of my page. *over there…yeah, right there*

So, honestly, if you want to hang out, just come find me! 🙂

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Wanted to share with you all some more of my Wifey’s Textual Feelings (these ones are mainly all jokes she has texted me). As long as she keeps texting them to me, I will continue to share them with you! 😉

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Beer $10..Bag of weed $20..Condoms $2.75..Finding out she swallows & has no gag reflex…Priceless!. Fuck mastercard,it pays 2 discover!

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What did the easter egg say to the boiling water? Its gonna take awhile to get me hard, I just got laid by some chick. LOL Happy Easter! (yes…it was a joke sent to me around Easter)

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Somebody snitched on us! The cops are lookin for a sexy mother fucker and a retard. They have me so grab ur helmet n run little buddy!

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Here is one that is better suited for the wintertime…but, oh-well…lol (NSFW)

I hate 2 wake up in the morning & find fuckking snow on my car

fucking snow

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Hope you all have enjoyed this week’s edition of “Saturday Snippets.” While you are all here, why don’t you take the time to check out some of the other bloggers that I follow in the blogosphere! They are all awesome…and, I guarantee, some of them will have you laughing so hard that ite will hurt! Or, they might make you throw up…either way, they are the best. 😉

Have a wonderful weekend, y’all!

Until next time, my friends…

Saturday Snippets

Don’t you just love it when you wake up and your mind plays tricks on you first thing?

Last night I was up until about 4am, doing things around the house, preparing for the family to move down. This morning when I woke up, at about 10:30am, my mind decided to play it’s usual games with me.

At first I thought that I was late for something (you know how that goes…oh shit! I’m late!). But, of course, I couldn’t think about what I was late for. Then, before I could tell myself that I wasn’t late, my mind then proceeds to tell me that it is 10:30pm. So now I’m like, “great, an entire day gone!

Obviously I was able to correct my brain and tell it that it is still only Saturday morning. But, I do have to tell my brain one last thing: “F**k You, brain! Quit screwing with me every weekend, it is getting OLD!”

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In other news:

Only 6 more days until I am back with my family again! 😀 I cannot wait! It has been too damn long since I have been with them. Granted, they were down at the beginning of April, but visits are not enough! I have to remind myself to NEVERmove without them again! 9 months is too damn long to be without the ones I love. 😦

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Wanted to share with you all some more of my Wifey’s Textual Feelings (these ones are mainly all jokes she has texted me):

Summers Eve has a new douche, made of marijuana, deodorant & Kentucky fried chicken. It leaves women high, dry & finger licken good!! LOL

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Best engine ever made was the pussy. It takes any size piston, self lubricates, starts with one finger & does its own oil change once a month!!

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Vodka-19.99. Motel-54.99. Condoms-2.99.
Finding out she swallows & loves it in the ass!
Priceless!
Fuck Mastercard!
It Pays to DISCOVER!

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Teacher asked Timmy, why is ur cat in school 2day? Timmy says(crying)I heard daddy tell mommy I’m eating that pussy when the kids leave!!

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There is a report of a naked drunk wearing snow boots and riding a Big Wheel along the highway.  Where the fuck are you going?

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Only in Michigan would someone think to make a shirt like this:

MARVIN Shirt

That’s right, folks. It’s the OFFICIALM.A.R.V.I.N employees work-shirt. From what I hear, all employees are reqired to wear this shirt as part of their daily uniform (OK, OK, I made that up…but it sounds about right, doesn’t it?). For those of you that don’t know what MARVIN is, it is Michigan’s unemployment agency network. MARVIN stands for: Michigan’s Automated Response Voice Interactive Network.

Since the “Big 3” are struggling, and the UAW is losing members, I wonder if they might be interested in organizing a union for the fastest growing, and largest, pool of individuals throughout the nation? Just think about all the benefits that they could fight for? And, they wouldn’t even have to change their letters; it could still be the U.A.W – U Ain’t Working! I think their slogan could go a little something like this: “Uniting all the laid-off, unemployed workers of America, working to make America a better place.” No? Not a good Idea? Well, OK, I tried! 😉

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Oh, by the way, don’t forget that tomorrow is Father’s Day! Make sure to give your Dad a hug and tell him you love him. Or, if you are in the situation like me where you don’t live close enough to your Dad, make sure you give him a call!

I might, or might not, have a Special Sunday posting coming in celebration of Father’s Day (I know that it’s not noticeable yet, but Sunday’s is going to be my day off from postings, unless there is a special occasion :)).

Until next time, my friends,and have a great weekend…

The Wifey’s Textual Feelings

**WARNING**

Some views are inappropriate for children, Christians, prudes, and anyone else that is easily offended. Just remember, you have been warned! 😉

I decided to clean out my inbox on my cell phone today. It tends to get quite annoying when a new text comes in and my phone tells me it is almost full. Following are some of the texts that my wife sent me, showing her sence of humor:

Whats up Asshole?

asshole

 There was supposed to be an audio clip with this one, but I was unable to get it to work correctly. Just so you can get the visual in your head, it was a long, wet, fart…lol.

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OMG I wz tryn 2 change my avatar on twitter 2 an extremely fat girl & it said “image probably too big” I almost died laughing LMFAO!

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Hi, it’s me-your PHONE, Sorry no message here, I just needed to leave your pocket 4 a minute, the smell from your crotch is killin me!

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hand lotion

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You eva get da feelin dat u got da weight of da world on ur shoulders

weight of the world

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Due 2 our economy,  McDonald’s & Wendy’s are merging

McWendy's

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I WENT TO A YARD SALE AT YOUR MOM’S & FOUND YOUR OLD PACIFIER

Pacifier

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These last two are my favorite…and, no, she is not right…lol.

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You just got camel toed by the camel toe queen .. now send this and fuck someone else’s day up!!

cameltoe

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When I told the wife that she wasn’t right for that one, she tells me that she could send another one. I told her to send it. She asked me if I was sure, because once I see it, I cannot take it back. So, this is what she sends me:

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They’re lookin 4 a threesome — i gave them ur number!

threesome

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I just love my wife, and all the texts she sends me. She just lets me know how much she cares and misses me…lol