F-Word Friday

F-Word Friday

F-Word Friday is a theme that I am stealing/borrowing from fellow blogger and friend Ms.Darkstar. It is a day to take a random word, that begins with F (of course), and express your thoughts accordingly.

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This week’s F-Word is Flatulence.

 Yep, that’s right, my friends, I am going there. This weeks word is the ever popular, ever refreshing, ever repulsing word flatulence.

I was gonna originally use the word fart, but I liked the definition dictionary.com gave for today’s word better: adjective 1) generating gas in the alimentary canal, as food. 2) attended with, caused by, or suffering from such an accumulation of gas. 3) having unsupported pretensions; inflated and empty; pompous; turgid: a flatulent style.

Who knew that flatulence was generated in the nutritional canal? I know that I didn’t! I knew that it was a byproduct of waste created from eating foods. But, hey, I guess you learn something new everyday, right?!

Today’s work came to me because I have been extremely gassy lately. I mean, it has been so bad that I can’t even stand to be around myself sometimes (raw sewage has nothing on me!…lol). For the past few months, I thought that all the processed food I had been eating was causing it. But, now that the wifey has been cooking some good, home-cooked meals lately(which, as I have already told her, are not too bad for a Northern-White-Mexican…lol love ya babe ;)), and the anal explosions have not gotten any better, it kinda makes me wonder.

Yes, I am a little concerned about the amount of gas I have been having lately. Plus, I have been very uncomfortable on my left side for the past couple months, also. Could there be something medically wrong with me? That is a possibility. Am I in any hurry to get it checked out? Honestly, no. I hate having to hunt for a Doctor, especially when I am new to the area. Not only that, I don’t want to risk having to take time off work should there be something majorly wrong.

I guess, for now, I will just continue to deal with it all. So, just as a forewarning to those of you that read this and do actually come around me from time to time; that horrific, rancid, raw-sewage smell, is probably me!

Nope, I’m not ashamed. At times I wear it proudly, like a cologne…lol.

Until next time, my friends….

TMI Thursday: The Chocolate Honey Bun

It’s TMI Thursday
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell,bout someone else’s! (via LiLu)

TMI Thursday

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Last October I was heading to Cincinnati to see my wife and children for the first time in a month. Prior to the trip I bought a new Garmon GPS system so that I wouldn’t get lost. After all, I was still new to the area and I didn’t want to have to continuously look at a map while driving…yeah, I’m lazy like that! 🙂

I set the GPS to get me to Cincinnati in the quickest way possible. Of course, the GPS system decided that it has jokes, and instead of taking me straight to US-75, it was going to take me the back way (up I-81, I believe). No problem, I thought…but then I started to run into construction, and traffic back ups, and heavy rain! This was not the fastest way!

Any-who…I decided to stop off and get some lunch. Not quite sure where I was, but I’m sure that I seen a movie about the place. You know, where the car breaks down and by the end of the movie the travelers are dead! Yeah, that kind of a town!

So, I’m all fed, and I continue on with my trip. Finally I make it to US-75. After being stuck in the traffic jams, eating, drinking my thermos of coffee and the soda I had with my lunch, I am in need of using the bathroom. I find this nice gas station, somewhere in Kentucky shortly after I got off one of the back-road “highways” (I think it was E-25, or something like that).

After I relieve myself – and feel lighter, regain the white in my eyes from the slight yellow that took over (from having to pee people! my eyes really did not turn yellow, gosh!), all the benefits of an empty bladder that was once overflowing (or so it seemed)! – I decided that I would buy a soda for the remainder of the ride.

On my way to the counter, walking through the snack isle, that is when I seen them! One of my “downfalls” when it comes to junk food. I seen the Honey Buns, and they had the Chocolate Honey Buns too (BONUS!). So, I snag one up as I am walking by.

I pay for my items and head out to the car to continue on with my trip. Even though I had just recently ate, my mouth is watering thinking about how good this Chocolate Honey Bun is going to taste! I get everything situated, grab up the Honey Bun, open the wrapper, start raising it up to my mouth, and that’s when I seen it… MOLD!

The damn thing was so old, the entire back of it was covered in mold, or so it seemed. I’m telling you, I came this close to losing my lunch that I had just eaten. I was so glad that I opened it prior to leaving the parking lot of the gas station! And, that I happened to see it before taking that first bite!

Still, to this day, I have to hold back from letting loose when I think about it. I do still buy Honey Buns – they are still one of the best junk food items, in my opinion – but, now I always look at the package before buying, or opening it, just to make sure.