TMI Thursday: Vaginal Cream Works for Anything…

It’s TMI Thursday
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell,bout someone else’s! (via LiLu)

TMI Thursday

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The other day, when I was at my Doctor appointment, I was asking the Doctor if he would refer me to a Dermatologist. You see, the reason why I was requesting is because I get contact dermatitis on my wrist from my watch and my belly from my belt buckle, especially when it gets hot out.

The issue from the watch only came about when I started wearing the cheap Wal-Mart watches. When I had my expensive watch, that I had for the better part of 13 years, I never had a problem. The rashes get so bad that every once in a while they would either bleed or a pus would come out of the area (after being scabbed up a bit, of course).

Well, the Doctor said that he could just prescribe some cream that would take care of the issue and that referring me to a dermatologist would not be necessary. So, I go to the drug store to get my cream. I cracked the wife up when I told her that I was picking up the vaginal cream that the Doctor prescribed for me to use. But, hey, if it is a cream made for clearing up infections, then wouldn’t you call it that too?

No, really, he only prescribed me Hydrocortisone, which is doing the trick. Although, last night there was a couple spots that were visibly filling up with pus after I put the cream on. But, today the rashes are looking better!

Until next time, my friends… Happy TMI Thursday 🙂

Clinch them cheeks

It’s TMI Thursday
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell,bout someone else’s! (via LiLu)

TMI Thursday

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As you may know, I have been mentioning, either on here, or on twitter, that I have been having issues with my side (which has now moved down into my hip). It has been some of the most uncomfortable issues. I had been, for months, attributing them to the processed foods that I was eating while I was away from my family.

Well, that was until one day when I was peeing and felt a slight pain. That was when I knew it was more. I do not know, yet, what is the actually problem. I am hoping to find that out on Tuesday. I had a CT-scan last Friday since the lab work came back normal.

If the problem was only slight pain and discomfort, I wouldn’t really have an issue. However, there is much more going on. You see, what ever the issue is it is making me have to shit more often. It really sucks when you can actually feel the shit moving through your intestines, too!

Along with constantly having to shit, there is another side-effect to what is happening. Every-once-in-a-while I feel the urge to let a good one rip (and that has been happening more frequently too). Well, let’s just say that one day, when the wife and I were getting ready to go to the store, I really had the urge, and I thought for sure it was going to be a good one too. Needless to say, I started and had to stop within a millisecond!

Yeah, you guessed it, I spotted my drawers brown. Thankfully I did not completely force it out (like I normally would have, since I thought it was going to be good and loud), cause had I, we would have been cleaning up shit for days!

Yes, I still wonder, on a daily basis, if I just have gas, or if I am going to shit myself. This will probably be something that I will worry about for a long, long time. You know, it really sucks when you are afraid to fart!

Anyone have any ideas as to what the problem could possibly be? My wife and I both think that it could be kidney problems. And I also think that there could be something wrong with my intestines. So, if you have an idea let me know.

I will update you all when I get back from the Doctor’s on Tuesday as to what he says it might be, or is, or if he says there’s nothing wrong. Which, if he says there’s nothing wrong I will have to break my foot off in his ass, cause I know that there is something going on!

Happy TMIT everyone :). Until next time, my friends…

TMI Thursday: The Chocolate Honey Bun

It’s TMI Thursday
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell,bout someone else’s! (via LiLu)

TMI Thursday

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Last October I was heading to Cincinnati to see my wife and children for the first time in a month. Prior to the trip I bought a new Garmon GPS system so that I wouldn’t get lost. After all, I was still new to the area and I didn’t want to have to continuously look at a map while driving…yeah, I’m lazy like that! 🙂

I set the GPS to get me to Cincinnati in the quickest way possible. Of course, the GPS system decided that it has jokes, and instead of taking me straight to US-75, it was going to take me the back way (up I-81, I believe). No problem, I thought…but then I started to run into construction, and traffic back ups, and heavy rain! This was not the fastest way!

Any-who…I decided to stop off and get some lunch. Not quite sure where I was, but I’m sure that I seen a movie about the place. You know, where the car breaks down and by the end of the movie the travelers are dead! Yeah, that kind of a town!

So, I’m all fed, and I continue on with my trip. Finally I make it to US-75. After being stuck in the traffic jams, eating, drinking my thermos of coffee and the soda I had with my lunch, I am in need of using the bathroom. I find this nice gas station, somewhere in Kentucky shortly after I got off one of the back-road “highways” (I think it was E-25, or something like that).

After I relieve myself – and feel lighter, regain the white in my eyes from the slight yellow that took over (from having to pee people! my eyes really did not turn yellow, gosh!), all the benefits of an empty bladder that was once overflowing (or so it seemed)! – I decided that I would buy a soda for the remainder of the ride.

On my way to the counter, walking through the snack isle, that is when I seen them! One of my “downfalls” when it comes to junk food. I seen the Honey Buns, and they had the Chocolate Honey Buns too (BONUS!). So, I snag one up as I am walking by.

I pay for my items and head out to the car to continue on with my trip. Even though I had just recently ate, my mouth is watering thinking about how good this Chocolate Honey Bun is going to taste! I get everything situated, grab up the Honey Bun, open the wrapper, start raising it up to my mouth, and that’s when I seen it… MOLD!

The damn thing was so old, the entire back of it was covered in mold, or so it seemed. I’m telling you, I came this close to losing my lunch that I had just eaten. I was so glad that I opened it prior to leaving the parking lot of the gas station! And, that I happened to see it before taking that first bite!

Still, to this day, I have to hold back from letting loose when I think about it. I do still buy Honey Buns – they are still one of the best junk food items, in my opinion – but, now I always look at the package before buying, or opening it, just to make sure.

Gotta love pleather seats!

It’s TMI Thursday
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell,bout someone else’s! (via LiLu)

TMI Thursday

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There are a couple things that I really enjoy in life; beer, sports, and eating to name a few. However, there are times when the three really do not mix well!

Back in 2004, I put on a trip to watch a Detroit Tigers game. It was a Saturday night in June, the 27th to be exact (my birthday was the next day, so I was gonna have a good time). The Tigers were playing against the Arizona Diamondbacks. Sun was shining. And the $8 beers were going down smoothly.

To be honest with you, there is not much that I remember about the game. All that I remember is that Carlos Guillen won the game with a walk-off grand slam (which I did not see cause I was standing in line with the kids so they could “run the bases” – justgottalovekids).

Anywho, needless to say, I was just a little drunk…ok, maybe more than just a little.

Since it  was a long drive home, our party decided to search out a place to eat. We found a nice little restaurant near Brighton, MI (I believe that is where we were…I was drunk, remember!). So, we all go in and sit down in our booths, the waitress takes our orders, and we all have a good time talking; about the game, life, everything. You know how it is.

Well, it seemed like everyone received their food and was eating except for my family, but that is beside the point. Everyone that drinks beer, us men especially..lol, knows that after a while all the barley and hopps tend to fuse together in the belly causing what we all like to call the “beer fart.”

This is something that is typical after drinking the equivialant of a case of beer in three hours, right? That’s what I thought too. I knew that I had to excrete a little anal breath, but I was not prepared for what actually came about. And, really, neither was anyone else in the restaurant.

I tried to be discrete about the passing of my gas. But, there is something about being drunk (where you don’t really know how hard you are “pushing”), and sitting on a pleather seat, cause, all of a sudden…rrriiiiiipppppp!!!! I let out one of the loudest, longest, mother of all, reverberating off the pleather seat, farts that you could imagine.

I’m telling you, EVERYONE in the restaurant stopped what they were doing (which, as you would guess, most were eating) and looked over at me and my family. I think that my wife was more embarrassed than what I was. But, hey, I didn’t mind, I was too busy laughing my ass off and still too drunk to care. 🙂

I’ll take door number two please, Bob!

It’s TMI Thursday

 

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell,bout someone else’s! (via LiLu)

TMI Thursday

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Here it is folks, my first TMI Thursday…I hope it measures up. 

A couple years ago my bowling team, which consisted of my wife, me, and another couple, won our league championship (yay for us…yeah, I know!). Well, the week of our league banquet, the shop that I was working at asked for volunteers to work the weekend (Saturday and Sunday, mind you). Being the type of person to never turn down overtime, I was kind enough to volunteer.

Our banquet was on a Saturday night and my wife and I (well, actually just me) were ready to have a good time and party. Went to the liquor store and got the necessary adult beverages in order to have a good time. For the wife: bottle of Captain and some soda. And for me: 30 pack of Natural Lite (hey, what do you expect? I’m not made of money!) and a 1/2 pint of tequila (my favorite :D).

So, at the banquet, once the grub was eaten and the awards were handed out, it was time to party. And trust me, party I did (afterall, my team did win the championship. Had to party hard). The beer was going down smooth, and the tequila shots were tasting so good! Throw in a shot of jager, and a shot of maddog, and by the end of the night I was pretty well lit!

When it was time to go (and no, I do not know what time that was…lol), I was not even able to walk myself to the car. I fell in the garage we were partying in, and out of it when I was walking out. One of my friends virtually carried me to the car (for those of you who might be wondering, no I was not driving. Even though I told the wife that I could…lol).

So, we get home and I pass out in the bed. Mind you, I still have to get up in the morning and go to work. Obviously, that was the last thing on my mind.

Well, needless to say, I forgot to set my alarm. When I woke up, I was already late for work. Trust me, as some of you might already know, rushing around the house getting ready for work is not fun when you are still DRUNK!

So, I head off to work, knowing damn well that I shouldn’t be driving. When I get to work I am an hour late. Those that are there are laughing at me because I look like death! And what is my job for the day? Driving Hi-Lo! (omg…no, I really should not have been doing that either, I know!)

The day is progressing as well as any day can after a good night of drinking (pounding head, queasy tummy, sagging eyes…you know how it is). Then break time comes (it’s only an hour after I get there, but I NEED a break). So I go into the break room and lay my head down on the table (first mistake). While I am laying there, thinking that I should just go home, my mouth starts watering (yeah, you know what’s about to happen). But, instead of going home, I decide to go back to work (second mistake).

After I walk out of the break room, and start heading back onto the shop floor, I stop and think that I should go to the bathroom ( just in case). As I am heading to the bathroom my mouth begins to water even more. I begin to think that this is the first good idea I have had all day. And the closer I get, the more I feel the urge to exorcise the demons from last night.

I kept telling myself; no matter what, I am just gonna make myself let loose and get it over with. So I go to the first stall, open the door, and all I can see is that someone left a FLOATER!! That was all it took! There was no longer any need to convince myself, last nights drinkage was coming out on it’s own. I did a quick 180 and ran to the next stall. Thank goodness there was no floaters left in that one cause, no matter what, I was letting loose!

Needless to say, I went home after that! I was finally able to return to work (when I finally sobered up) on that Tuesday.