Random Texts…(NSFW or Children) II

**WARNING**

Some views are inappropriate for children, Christians, prudes, and anyone else that is easily offended. Just remember, you have been warned! 😉

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Here are a few text messages that friends, and the wife, have sent me recently. Are the of good taste? NO! Not at all. But, then again, if they were, would I really be posting them here? HELL NO!

Anyhoo, here they are…enjoy! 🙂

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~from the wife~

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ADULT SEX QUIZ

Q.) What doesn’t belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs, or wife,but you can’t beat a blowjob!

Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.

Q.) What’s the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q.) What’s the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q.) Three words to ruin a man’s ego…
A.) “Is it in?”

Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.

EveryOne needs a gOOd laugh…. PASS IT ON!

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~from a friend~

Kentucky 3 way

Don’t go to Kentucky! They not only fuck their cousins, they do their 3 ways like this!

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~from the wife~

chocolate cake

Don’t you just love the smell of Chocolate cake in the morning??

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~from a friend~

Doing Porn

I heard you were doing porn! way to go man !

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~from the wife~

sack lunch

I packed u a sack lunch! Have a good day at work!

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~from the wife~

I Love Head

MEN have 2 heads and WOMEN have 4 lips The American Dental Association says semen cuts plaque and tartar by 77%. Suck a dick and save a smile… If u have sex 365 times a yr and u melted down all the condoms 2 make a tire what would u call it? A fuckin goodyear! Sex is like playing spades. If u don’t have a good partner, u better have a good hand. Big Bad Wolf told lil red riding hood lift ur top so i can suck ur tits. no, she said while lifting her skirt, eat me like the fuckin book says! A rooster and a cat were playing by the pool. the cat fell in and the rooster laughed. The cat said, a wet pussy always makes a cock happy! Girls have unique magic tricks, they get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard.

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 Do you have some wierdly awesome texts to share? Want to send them to me so that I can post them here to share with the world? Send me an emil at jeluttrull (at) gmail (dot) com and I will be more than happy to put them up.

Until next time, my friends…

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